Hello Friends, It’s been a year now since I sought out on the path of ridding myself of my addictions and leading a sober life. Now it’s been a little over four months since I’ve freed myself of the hell that is benzodiazepine addiction. What a terrible year, something that I truly cannot put into […]Read More My Current Status: Struggling with the desire to return to drug use and my mental health
Driving down these old re-paved roads, tapered with potholes and scrapes from re-paving, along with the abundant burn out marks, I can’t help but remember how much I hate this town; these road aren’t the same as I remember, but they are the same in my mind. Dirty, filthy roads. rampant with my own personal […]Read More Returning Home
If you’re an addict, undoubtedly you’ve caused pain to others if you’ve ever let them get close to you. I never thought about this in my past, when I was actively using, likely because I never let people get close to me. The only people that knew the real me had known it for a […]Read More When your own addictions hurt others; how can you forgive yourself?
As we all likely know, relationships can be difficult; especially when you are dealing with addiction and depression issues. Mine led me to destroy the best thing that I had ever found to date; I broke another persons heart along with my own. This is my personal binding chain of shame and my own self […]Read More All Apologies: The ones spoken and the ones we never get to say.
In life we all make mistakes; some of which we can come to terms with and others remain beyond reclamation. In my opinion, the worst mistakes are the ones in which we accidentally hurt other people, whether physical or emotionally, in the process. Specifically in this post I’m talking about causing another individual emotional distress […]Read More All Apologies: The ones spoken and the ones we never get to say
It’s funny how so many of us as adolescents, full of wonder and creativity jump face first into the world; full of dreams, goals and the greatest of intentions. Not really knowing what to expect but eager to experience the unknown. Like being terrified as a child to jump off the bridge into the creek […]Read More Like cogs in the wheel of life, some of us just don’t fit quite as well; A brief history of my life as an addict, lost love, and my path towards sobriety.
It’s never too late; if you ask them they’ll most likely tell you, “It’s never too late”. In some aspects I suppose they’re right. I have the choice to make changes now that will impact my life for the better; such as living a healthier lifestyle now in order to set myself up for having […]Read More They say it’s never too late
To suppress things until they almost aren’t even there, until you almost forget that they even exist; that’s the life I lived until the present. My addictions were my attempt at filling the hole that I always felt and never understood. It was my attempt at self medicating to forget the emptiness that I […]Read More Suppresion
I’m currently several months along in the process of tapering off a rather high tolerance benzo addiction. Tomorrow, I intend to step down to 7.5mgs of Diclazepam a day. During this time, I’ve been completely clean of everything but Diclazepam and Diazepam. Neither of these get me high in any way and I have […]Read More Addiction and Self Reflection
A little bit of back story for you good folks. I’ve been an addict for about 8 years now, I’ve used a wide range of drugs but my only true addiction was to opiates and my fallback; alcohol. I am finally realizing that my propensity for using these substances was due to my underlying […]Read More The struggle of a propensity towards addiction and an accidental addiction to Benzo’s; trying to get my life together