My mind changes so much I can hardly trust myself. I truly hate social media, and I suppose that’s why I wanted to delete what I had started. But my irrational urges to do so really had no connection with the page I created. I so strongly desire to live my life free of the rat race; And social media to me seems like the breeding ground of elated ego’s and self-serving falsifications.
I haven’t checked my personal Facebook page, the anonymous man behind the half-broken mask, since I created this page; And before I made this page my facebook had been de-activated for months. Despite my lack of interaction I still feel this desire to pull away.
I suppose it is partly because I am such an isolationist. I have very few friends, and the friends that I do have I’ve known for nearly my entire life. It’s always been hard for me to get close to people. Of course I can shoot the shit, but at the end of the day that’s all it usually is. I’ve never been much for small talk and my interest’s are usually not that of others.
It’s probably not healthy, being the social creatures that we are. Much of our lives are built around the social constructs that we make; They greatly influence us.
But, I have such a strong desire to pull away from the rat race that we perpetually pursue. I hate the idea of spending my time serving another for a slip of “paper” that has no intrinsic value other than that which we place upon it. I just don’t feel that this is the way we are meant to live. Or maybe it just isn’t the way that I’m supposed to live.
My original point is that despite the fact that I never actually check my Facebook account, I despise the idea of it; That’s why I wanted to de-activate it and kill the page that I created in the process. My thought process is irrational, considering I don’t check it anyways. I suppose I just don’t want to be apart of the creation as a whole.
I’ve decided to keep my page up because of the few people who influenced me to change my mind. Thank you for your comments on my last post. They make me feel like I’ve made a difference in at least a few people’s lives; And that is worth far more than my desire to pull away.
My mind is scattered, my thoughts are often impulsive, and I have no idea what I want to do with my ambitions; But I do remember that I created this page to help others. I hope to be able to do that for time to come.
A Half Broken Mind