I know this is a public blog; and I’d like to preface this to my slim following, obviously considering the title above, this is dedicated to my parents.
I’m sorry for being so absent for the past 8 years. It has taken me far longer than necessary to remember where I came from. I apologize for my abscence all these years.
I pulled away for my own mental reasons, and drug addictions which you now know about, many years ago.
I can’t describe how apologetic I am for doing this to you. You deserved to be apart of my life and for so long I only allowed you to be apart of what I wanted you to see. “Your long lost son, no matter how far away,” now you know the reasons why; but the shame I carry for that you will never understand.
I didn’t want to be that way, but it was the only way I knew of to protect you from my own poor decisions.
I took a walk today and happened across a honeysuckle patch in post-bloom. The succulent smell was still present, a memory from my childhood, but it’s day will soon to pass; much like my own present self.
For some reason I was so dedicated to forgetting my past, most likely due to my own shame and fear of love; and being loved in return. But for the reasons that you now know and my path towards reclamation, I hear the song that the birds used to sing. I can remember those old deserted roads that made me into the person I am, despite the time it took me realize who that was.
Mom; the most caring and compassionate woman I’ve ever met. You’ve inspired me more than I let on; as I’ve stated, my communication with you was severly lacking, but you’ve taught me so much about how to interact with the world. About how to love others in spite of their flaws. About being a person that cared deeply, so deeply it was almost the death of me. I now realize that this isn’t a bad thing, the world deserves love, and you are my source of love in this bleak world.
My father; such noble man, the spitting image of what I wanted to be, but fell short of many years ago. You were the perfect example of what I based my character upon. I think I carried quite a few of your traits with me through the years, but in some aspects I still lacked. I’d like to reclaim those in the coming days.
To my parents: My only fans from the start, my source of love and compassion; And my guiding light, I’m sorry.
I know this isn’t a Mothers Day present, but its a letter you deserve.
I love you and I’m sorry it took me so long to come back to you.
“Your long lost son,”
– A Half Broken Mind